No Remedy For Memories
by TiliaofAnkh
Summary: He didn't want the universe to hear him cry. The darkness was enough of a witness. [Tenrose]


**Don't mind me, I'll just ... be over here ... *goes to a corner and cries forever***

 **I'm sorry, I just kind of needed this, I guess? (I have no idea why I keep doing this to me?)  
**

 **[I don't own Doctor Who, I really don't. If I did, none of this drabble would have been necessairy]**

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Maybe he would forget her.

Not that he wanted to; but maybe, someday, he would forget about her eyes, how she seemed to be wrapped in a golden glow standing next to him in the console room or how her hand felt in his. Maybe, someday, he would remember nothing but her name and that she travelled with him. Maybe he'd think she was just another companion.

And, heavens, was he scared of that day.

He couldn't even tell what he held on to; maybe it was the radiance of her smile that still beamed in front of his inner eye, or the way the faint blue light of the coral mixed with the warm gold of the TARDIS had danced in her then almost golden eyes, or the sound of her laughter, still echoing from the walls of his empty home.

Home ... all he had ever wanted was to tell the TARDIS to take him home. But it was far away now, the home of the Time Lords, as well as the home he had found in her.

The Doctor felt his breath hitch in his throat when his tired eyes found her shirt that had been hanging over the bannister at the door until Donna had snatched it away so violently. He remembered ripping the cold fabric out of her hands, a red, stinging rage boiling inside of him at the thought of _her_ and Donna didn't know her but had the audacity to jump to conclusions.

But as soon as that terrible fury had gone it had been replaced by bone-crushing, crippling emptyness and utter loneliness. It had held itself upright so far, stoking itself on every reminder of her that was left on the ship, destroying every thought of sleep.

Oh, but what would sleep give him, anyways?

Only haunting dreams and her voice chasing him through the darkness and giving him the false illusion of hope were waiting for him. A part of him longed to hear it but another part feared to never wake up again.

His tired mind remembered all those times she had found him - sprawled accross his sofa in the console room, feet dangling over the edge, snoring (he had refused to accept that he snored but Rose had insisted) in the middle of the night.

Her voice had woken him up ever so gently and warm arms had wrapped around him, hauling him up and had led him and his heavy, stumbling steps through the corridors of the TARDIS. Her small hands had gently pushed him on his narrow bed and he remembered clinging on to her warmth every time, not wanting to let go, pulling her down with him.

He still could feel her touch burning on his skin, her even, warm breaths against his neck when he had nestled his head close to her chest, had been lulled to sleep by her steady, singular heartbeat, tasting her name on his lips. _Rose_. It had been his source of strength, and now he feared her name even more than his own; it was filled with bittersweet memories now, memories that would haunt him forever, until that one day he feared so much.

Maybe it would never come.

Because he didn't know _how_. How could he ever forget about Rose Tyler, the woman who had taken his aching, wounded hearts and stitched them back together again, with never-ending patience, faith and _love_ , held his hand and loved him so unreservedly?

And that was when a choked, dry sob escaped the Doctor's mouth, his hands shooting up to his mouth, covering it with trembling fingers. As if he was afraid to let anybody know. He didn't want the universe to hear him crying, the darkness as a witness was enough.

The memories hurt.

He knew that when the tears finally fell freely from his eyes, travelling across his cheeks. He knew how much remembering her would hurt as he fell on his knees and crumbled on the floor, cringing with pain.

It was when he saw her face in front of his empty eyes and held back the urge to scream, that he knew that he would never forget.

Because there was no remedy for memories.

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 **I know this was short, but I'd be really happy about some reviews! :D Have a wonderful day! :D**


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